The Green Light

Being married rocks. It's the coolest thing in the world to be able to share my life with the one and only person on the planet who truly understands me. I'm not sure what she gets out of the deal, but I'll feel bad if I worry too much about that, so let's move on.

I think I speak for happily married husbands everywhere when I declare that one of the best things our wives can give us is The Green Light.

Let me distinguish though between a green light, and The Green Light. A green light is when she doesn't mind that you want to play 9 more holes. A green light is when she doesn't wake you up from a nap because you promised to cut the grass. That's great stuff, but The Green Light is the best of the best. Where a green light is more spontaneous, The Green Light requires more long-term planning and campaigning. It also requires swift action once you get it. When I got the okay after two years of carefully posturing for a Vespa, it was in our garage within 24 hours of getting The Green Light. Waiting only makes her feel that she may have given one out prematurely. It'll hurt with future Green Light requests. Green means go. Don't dally. You can say your thanks when you get back.

Now, for the uninitiated, Green Light school.

When vying for The Green Light, be aware of all the stages she must go through, and don't push too hard or too often.

The Early Stages
1. She giggles at your outrageous request, thinking that you're kidding.
2. She seems to ignore hints to revisit your new passion.
3. She appears annoyed when your new obsession doesn't go away.

Then, if The Green Light is going to happen...

The Hopeful Stages
4. Seeming to hear you for the first time, she asks a quick question about what you're talking about.
5. She giggles again. This time it's because she's totally empowered, and your sincerity is now kinda cute.
6. She says those 7 magical words, "Well if that's what you really want..."

Time it takes to get from stage 1 to stage 6? 3 weeks to 3 years depending on your skill level. Remember, there are no guarantees. You may even red light yourself if your interest starts to wane.

Because I've recently joined a band, and my impotent amplifier is getting drowned out at rehearsals, I applied for The Green Light.

Just last night I hit Stage 6. See you at the music store this afternoon!

Time to crank up my guitar because being married rocks!